It’s been quite some time since I’ve written a blog post here! But it has been on my heart to pop back over here and say a little something. I’ve missed the community here, and think of you often, but there are a few reasons I haven’t been so active on this blog any longer. They are not necessarily the generic reasons one might expect, like writer’s block or being too busy or too ill. It’s true that I’ve been very sick, and that it interferes with writing just as well as the rest of life, making it difficult and painful. As my fellow spoonie Meg said, “I want to be able to do a lot, desperately so, but I live in a body that’s temperamental and if we’re going to be frank; a body that can’t really handle commitment.” It is challenging to write with M.E., let alone on a schedule like bloggers are expected to. But writing is one of the beautiful gifts that allow me to process living each day with such severe illness. It’s something that I love and enjoy. I’m always writing, even if I’m not sharing it. And so, I can’t simply give a reason like this for my absence. Truthfully, it’s been more of a matter of reflecting, of introspection, of observing.
This week, I’ve happened across two posts from some very sweet bloggers, Kaylie and Kelly. Although the content of their posts were not meant to be connected, they came together as one very tender thought deep in my heart. Kaylie shared a powerful yet graceful call to people in their twenties to live intentionally. Kelly shared a tender confession via vlog of how painful it is to be chronically ill and unable to live out ambitions, laced with beautiful hope that our worth is so much more than our productivity. In their contrast, one ached over the burden of able-bodied young men and women who live immaturely and wastefully, and one ached over the burden of physically incapable young men and women who are spiritually and emotionally mature as well as very driven, but physically limited. Their words stirred up the question so familiar to anyone young with a severe chronic illness, “Why is it that we cannot do what we’d love to do, yet others waste the energy we would so dearly treasure?” There’s so many sayings out there that tell me others have faced similar questions. “Life is not fair”, an expression that can be both cold or caring depending on the tone. “Life is not a wish-granting factory”, Augustus Waters painfully says in The Fault in our Stars. And we know these things to be true, but they do not satisfy the aching question deep within. As I pondered the question, opening my heart to Christ’s companionship through the aching, a simplicity washed over my heart reminding me of what it truly means to grow, mature, and live independently — something truly nourishing to reflect on.
The truth is, we have so many opportunities to grow into adulthood, even with the physical limitations and tremendous pain. Some of the most important parts of being an adult are the things that come within. It’s the drive that matters, at the end of the day. Anyone of reasonable age can accomplish physical tasks. It’s something that can be done almost automatically. But truly growing into an adult, embracing the person you are, and living intentionally — that’s something that takes work. And the good news is, it’s work that we can do!
Quite a few things spilled into my mind last night. The more I thought about it, the more that kept flooding in! Continue reading
I thought I’d put together a little something for those of you who are shopping for a spoonie this holiday season (or those of you who want to treat yourself to a little spoonie something!) It’s all in good fun! Here are a few spoonie themed gifts I’ve stumbled across 🙂
P.S. If you are wondering what the term “spoonie” means or where it came from, please check out “The Spoon Theory”